I love black thongs
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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