I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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