Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
