margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
