TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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