my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize