He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
