Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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