Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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