Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
