I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
