Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
