I puked a lego.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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