Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
