shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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