I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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