the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
