Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
