I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
