Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
