; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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