The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
