The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My breath smells like gin and sadness
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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