Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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