ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
