did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
