We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I wish there were birth control emojis
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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