Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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