Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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