I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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