She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
