Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it because I queefed?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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