I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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