I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
