I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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