people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
