Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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