I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
