You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
