my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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