I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
