i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize