at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
