I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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