And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize