Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you didnt know i had herpes?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
