you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
