You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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