And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
if only i could text you this smell
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
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