Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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