nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
