So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize