I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
