Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
