We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
