life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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