so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
