If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize