We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
