College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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