We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
