Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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