She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
