I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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