It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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