mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
