i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
