i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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