I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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