wakey wakey hands off snakey
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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