not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
