And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
