but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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