I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
