big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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