just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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