wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
