i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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