Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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