it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
