Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize