Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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