So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
