my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
