Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize