You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
