Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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