i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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