The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
