this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
