i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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