fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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