Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
