I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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