you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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