your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
