hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
