it wasn't lemon gatorade
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
