btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Randomize
