This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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