so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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