Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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