He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
