i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
