All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
