My liver just broke up with me...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
