At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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