I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
