Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
